i remain to be little, O GOD

i remain to be little, o GOD
in the midst of all i’ve done,
after all the exerted effort,
i’m not any bigger
than i was before.
plants grow when watered,
but i remain to be a shoot
in the palm of YOUR hands.
JESUS, my JESUS,
make me smaller further
by teaching me how to bend
to YOUR will.

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my JESUS

Dear Jesus,

How amazing it is that only after three years have I actually called You mine. All these years, after all the studying, and teaching, and going to church, it is only now that I have actually claimed You to be mine. Like a lover, dearly-loved, closest to my heart, I call you MY Jesus. You are more real to me now than You were yesterday. Oh, how this phrase revealed the state of “us”. I, Your bride, was not any closer to owning You and being owned by You. It shames me, Lord, that I have been “owned” even before I have surrendered to You. It shames me to admit this before You, realizing how truly unworthy i am of Your offered union of spirits. I am unworthy, Lord, but You have loved me. Can anything be sweeter, more wonderful than that? The Cross, O Lord, is our wedding bed, where Your love for me was fully realized. You’ve shed for me the blood I can no longer bleed. You died for me the death I rightfully deserve. Oh Jesus, My Jesus! Never stop loving me, please! Teach me how to love You, for even in this desire, I find myself lost, uncertain. Hide my doubts in Your wounds. Show me how to obey You and submit to You. I want to love You with all I am, Lord. I want to love You…I want to love You…I want to love You…Let this declaration echo through eternity. Amen.